Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
