i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
