and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
