there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
