I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The ass gains better be worth it
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