Slut skills are useful in every country.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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