last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
