What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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