I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
