Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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