I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
