So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I touched a dick in church today
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
