Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
