So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Randomize
