the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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