i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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