We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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