paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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