you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
