i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
