Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
