Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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