so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
