Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
