As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
