where does the pee come out of this thing
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
