That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
