When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
