Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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