don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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