Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
