so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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