i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
