Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
