would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
