My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
