why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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