Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
