After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
