24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
