I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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