I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
