i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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