Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You did what with his pubic hair?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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