babies were throwing up all over the place
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
