Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Semen is not good for contacts.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Randomize
