In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
