Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
