im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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