He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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